Word Wonders -- disgruntle & gruntle

disgruntle
To make dissatisfied or sulky; put out of humor. [from the prefix dis- (meaning "not") + gruntle, an obsolete word that intensified the meaning and impact of "grunt"] -- Funk & Wagnall's Canadian College Dictionary and The Oxford English Reference Dictionary
 
In other words, disgruntle means to "not gruntle," which for me instantly raised the question, "What, then, does 'gruntle' mean?" So here you go. I found the definition and a couple of delightful uses of "gruntle" online and discovered that it means "to put in a good humor." (from www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gruntle). Texan Walter Prescott Webb, 1888-1963, wrote that some people "were gruntled with a good meal and good conversation."
 
In the entry from the 1913 edition of  Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (found on www.thefreedictionary.com/gruntle), I learned that gruntle also once meant "to grunt repeatedly."

So here's my fanciful theory about the development of gruntle and disgruntle. (Remember I am not a word expert but, rather, a word enthusiast with an imagination.) Maybe, back in the day, a pig farmer or village of pig owners noticed that their swine grunted when they were contented with their slop and mud. They came up with the word "gruntle" to describe the pigs' expressions of bliss.

Then maybe another astute soul noticed that sometimes humans also grunt with pleasure at dinner time (and other pleasurable events) and applied "gruntle" to their expressions, too. Hence, over time, to be gruntled could come to mean that a person was in a good humor or tranquil.

Then, life being what it is, someone who was not in a good humor, was not feeling at ease and serene, might have come to be described as being "disgruntled." And, sad to say, the delightful little word gruntle passed from our daily vocabulary.

Personally, I'm really glad I found the word gruntle, because as it happens, earlier today I was feeling decidedly disgruntled about a variety of frustrations. However, it was time to write a blog post so I decided to investigate a Word Wonder. Those are usually entertaining for me, and I was hoping I'd get distracted from my grumpiness.

It worked. Not only did I get distracted, I got gruntled in my search for meaning...of the word "disgruntled." And the word "gruntled" is so charming and rolls so nicely around in my mouth, that I think it might just help me choose being gruntled over being disgruntled the next time I'm out of sorts. And, that, my friends, is an important part of healing and personal growth.

Happy Gruntling to me and to you!!

A Question

The other day, a friend said she'd asked herself a question. Now I'm asking myself the same question and pass it on to you. Maybe it will be useful to you.

What would you do in any given situation if the fear weren't there?

Magical Thinking -- a journal exercise

Last Wednesday I wrote about magical thinking, a view of life and self that resides deep below the surface in some people. (Click here to read that post.) This sort of belief system is part of childhood's charm, but in adults it supports an unhealthy degree of passivity. Magical thinking, as I mean it here, keeps us meekly waiting around for someone or something else to resolve our problems -- financial, personal, professional, etc. -- while we do little or nothing to progress.

As I said the other day, magical thinking is not the same as being patient or wisely waiting for the best time. It's not the same as trusting others or accepting limitations. These are helpful ways to interact with the world, while magical thinking makes it hard for us to move forward and to recognize our own strength and ability.

Letting go of magical thinking means seeing one's own strengths and weaknesses realistically. It means letting go of the idea that others will fix one's problems. It means taking responsibility for choices and decisions.

Get out a pen and paper and set aside 15-30 minutes to start. Ask yourself the questions below to help identify if you are prone to magical thinking. And as with any new awareness, the purpose of this is not to criticize yourself but to take the first step in change -- recognizing the problem. Keep in mind that many people have the thoughts and feelings described below; the trick is to identify if you frequently count on others to make things better.

Q?    Do you find yourself wishing someone would come along and pay your    debts or fix a troubled relationship?

Q?    Do you have vague feelings of powerlessness or inadequacy in your own daily affairs?

Q?    Do you feel like you're getting nowhere, especially in areas of life that are important to you? 

Q?    Are you sometimes jealous of people who seem to "have it all together?" Do you compare yourself to them or resent them?

As you work through these questions, others might arise. Do your best to honestly explore the questions and the answers. Be kind to yourself, since that's the most effective way to stay interested in change. If you beat yourself up over perceived failures, you just add to the pile of magical thinking and lack of progress.

You can make changes that make you and your life more dynamic! By recognizing and then loosening your grip on magical thinking, you'll find new energy, new resilience, fun, and hope.

In another post, I'll write about  ways to turn magical thinking into dynamic thinking. Once you begin to recognize the old patterns, you'll be able to build new ones.

Magical Thinking

Never grow a wishbone, daughter,

where your backbone ought to be.

-- Clementine Paddleford

Born in Kansas in 1898, Clementine Paddleford  wrote in her memoir that her mother gave her the advice I've quoted above. Apparently young Clementine listened well, since she grew up to become an intrepid journalist, pilot and traveler in the 1920s to 1960s.

As a food writer at such publications as the New York Herald Tribune and the New York Sun, Paddleford flew a Piper Cub all over the States to learn about and report on regional foods. She went aboard a submarine to learn what the sailors ate and explored quiet corners of her country to discover what the locals prepared for their families. Paddleford then conveyed her enthusiasm to readers by tempting their palettes with descriptions of the exotic-sounding foods she found in her travels.

When I found Paddleford's quote a number of years ago, I knew nothing about her. I only knew that its cleverly worded meaning shot straight into me and put words to a vague and unsettling feeling I had about myself. Although I was happy with some of my accomplishments and personal traits, I knew I wasn't being and doing all I could. At that time I'd never heard of "magical thinking," but I could tell I had more of a wishbone than a backbone in some areas of my life.

Through the years I've carried Clementine's mother's advice around in my head. I've passed it on to students and have continue to be attracted to its meaning. And when for the first time I heard about the idea of magical thinking, I knew that Mrs. Paddleford had nailed it so many years before.

To me, magical thinking means meekly waiting around for something to happen instead of doing it for yourself. It implies to me a floppy, waffling sort of attitude to one's circumstances and, perhaps, oneself.

Magical thinking is not the same as being patient or wisely waiting for the best time. It is not the same as trusting others or accepting limitations. Instead, it's a state of mind that doesn't allow a person to recognize his or her own strength and ability. Magical thinking is the result of (and supports) the belief that some external Somebody or Something will fix the problems, get the job done, make the desired result appear...and it immobilizes the magical thinker because she or he does not believe in herself or himself.

Letting go of magical thinking -- getting a backbone instead of a wishbone -- means seeing one's own abilities, strengths, and weaknesses. It means letting go of the idea that others will fix one's problems. It means taking responsibility for choices and decisions.

Changing my own magical thinking has come as a result of facing and dealing with the lousy things that have been done to me as well as the lousy things I have done or the valuable things I have not done because I was waiting for somebody to do it for me. It's a satisfying (though not always easy) feeling to take responsibility for my own life, for myself, for my choices.

In my next post, I'll offer a journalling exercise that can help you look at your own tendencies towards magical thinking.

Uncertainty

Sunday, March 13, 2011



"Be patient towards all that is unsolved in

 your heart and dreams;

try to love the questions themselves."  

-- Rainer Maria Rilke

Advice to a Daughter

Thursday, March 10, 2011

The other day I found a book on my bookshelf, one of those enticing little nuggets found at a yard sale or some such place. I'd completely forgotten I own The Book of Lists by David Wallechingsky, Irving Wallace, and Amy Wallace. I do remember that it was old even when I bought it, but it just seemed like a good thing on which to blow an extravagant 25 cents, ya know?

Since this is the week of International Women's Day, I thought today would be a good day to list "F. Scott Fitzgerald's 21 pieces of advice to his daughter on living," originally from Fitzgerald's Letters to His Daughter, edited by Andrew Turnbull (New York: Scribner. 1965). I'm not big on worry, but maybe he meant something like "concern yourself with." In any case, I like most of what F. Scott had to say to his daughter, Scottie. See what you think...

1.   Worry about courage.
2.   Worry about cleanliness.
3.   Worry about efficiency.
4.   Worry about horsemanship.
5.   Don't worry about popular opinion.
6.   Don't worry about dolls.
7.   Don't worry about the past.
8.   Don't worry about the future.
9.   Don't worry about growing up
10. Don't worry about anyone getting ahead of you.
11. Don't worry about triumph.
12. Don't worry about failure unless it comes through your own fault.
13. Don't worry about mosquitoes.
14. Don't worry about flies.
15. Don't worry about insects in general.
16. Don't worry about parents.
17. Don't worry about boys.
18. Don't worry about disappointments.
19. Don't worry about pleasures.
20. Don't worry about satisfactions.
21. Think about: What am I really aiming at?

Books to Check Out

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I've recently heard about two new books published by Hazeldon, a publishing house specializing in resources for people working on personal healing and recovery. Take a look at these titles and their descriptions, which I've quoted from Hazelden's website:

 
"Do you take on the feelings of others around you? Or do you expect others to absorb yours? Is it important to be in synch? No says Dr. Allen Berger, author of 12 Smart Things to Do When the Booze and Drugs are Gone."












"1000 Years of Sobriety: 20 People x 50 Years by William G. Borchert and Michael Fitzpatrick. 1000 Years of Sobriety features the moving personal accounts of twenty men and women who have each remained sober for more than fifty years. These are the real 'old timers,' keepers of the wisdom, men and women from around the world who are among the dwindling generations who joined Alcoholics Anonymous when Bill W. was still alive, and whose very commitment to sobriety is a testament to the enduring power of the program."

 
 
 
 
Of course, there are as many paths to well-being as there are people. The beauty of recovery, healing, and personal growth lies in the strength and hope each of us possesses...and in the help offered by those around us. Hazelden is one such helping hand.
 
If you'd like to find other helping hands, you could:

• check the list of topics on this blog (right-hand column) to read other posts about a topic of interest to you
• borrow a book from the library or a friend
• write in a journal
• talk to someone you trust
• listen to what your gut tells you
• ...and so much more.

I wish you well for today and every day!

Change -- a journalling exercise

Monday, January 24, 2011

Some people say that change is one of the few things we can count on. In any case, change affects us all in different ways at different times and in different circumstances. Sometimes we like change, such as when an unpleasant person becomes more pleasant. Sometimes we don't like change, such as when we have to move away from a beloved home. And no matter how we feel about it, we change often in the course of growing up and getting older.

Set aside some time to consider how you have changed in the last five, ten, or twenty years...and what affect those changes have had. Think about the changes you consider to be "good," as well as the ones you think of as "bad" or "negative."

First, write down all the big and small changes you can think of. Decide how many of them you want to look at closely. One? Three? All of them?

Then, for each change you decide to examine, answer the questions below, taking time to muse and remember:

1. Was the change fairly easy to deal with, or was it hard?
2. Did you react to this change differently than ususal?
3. If you resisted the change, what did you think and do in your resistance -- refuse to discuss it, get really busy, take out your feelings on others? How did you feel -- afraid, satisfied, angry, resentful, excited, willing, sad, ashamed, etc.?
4. If you accepted or enjoyed the change, what did you feel, think, and do to help the change occur?
5. How did the change affect other people? How did you feel about those affects at the time?
6. At this moment, how do you see the change and its results? What do you think and feel about it? Do you feel differently now than you did when the change occurred?

Self-evaluation like this fosters growth and healing. It provides opportunities to understand the nature of change and to embrace, or at least accept it, as a natural part of life. Through self-examination we find wisdom and forgiveness. Our fears can diminish because we learn to see change as a normal process.

You might have uncovered old feelings of guilt or shame while doing this exercise. This isn't unusual, and it doesn't mean you're a bad person. It means you're human. We're very good at burying unpleasant feelings, often because we don't know what to do with them at the time we feel them. This journalling exercise gives you a chance to re-examine your difficult feelings; the gift of time might have given you new perspectives or emotional skills. Use these to help yourself understand and deal with old pain. You might find help in earlier posts I've written. To read more about dealing with guilt, click here. To read more about dealing with shame, click here.

If you have trouble coming to terms with past changes, feelings, or actions, I encourage you (as always) to talk with a trusted friend or counsellor. Sometimes another person's perspective can be very helpful.

Word Wonder -- listen

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Earlier this week, a friend asked me to write about the word "listen," saying she thought the Universe was telling her to do more of it. That seemed like a good idea, and two ideas came to me. First, I did my follow-the-bread-crumbs brainstorm about listening. I thought of phrases and words that have, or seem to have, something to do with listening :

• Listen to your elders.
• "Friends, Romans, countrymen...lend me your ear."
• Listen to your heart. Listen to your body.
• Stop, look, and listen before you cross the road.
• Listen up, people!
• Hearing is not necessarily the same as listening.
• "Listen, my friends, and you shall hear of the midnight ride of Paul Revere."
• Listen to your father!
• Mom, mom! Listen to this!!
• Can't you ever listen to what I'm saying!?
• sounds of silence
• "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."
• list to starboard
• enlist
• listless
• bucket list, shopping list, gratitude list, To Do list

These phrases from literature and everyday life stirred a range of images and feelings in me. My seventh grade teacher used to raise her voice over the din of our pre-adolescent cacophony and proclaim, "Listen up, people!" She was prone to pitching text books at the heads of those she felt had broken the rules, so we generally listened up pretty quickly.

Then there's "listing to starboard." I know approximately zero about boats, but I think this phrase suggests rocking, rolling waves that violently tip seafaring vessels and their passengers sideways...maybe towards the starboard side? Anyway, to me listing has always meant stumbling or pitching at dangerous angles. I'll look it up in a minute to see if I'm in the right neighbourhood.

In any case, if listing has something to do with leaning, then listening could have something to do with leaning forward to pay close attention to another's words. And enlisting could have to do with coming forward to have one's name put on a list, perhaps a list of soldiers. So, now, to the dictionary...

listen

1. To make conscious use of the sense of hearing; be attentive in order to hear. 2. To pay attention; give heed. 3. To be influenced or persuaded. [From the Old English word hlysnan, which was related to another Old English word hlyst, meaning "hearing."] -- Funk & Wagnall's Canadian College Dictionary

Well, it turns out I was way off base on the connection among listen, list, and enlist, though I was right about the meaning of "list." Ah, well...I had fun. In any case, I do like the words "conscious use of the sense of hearing" and being "attentive." To me this means listening with every part of ourselves so we can participate as fully as possible. Few of us are taught this skill, but it's well worth learning. In classes and workshops I teach, I talk about active listening in which the listener is as involved and aware as the speaker.

To me, active listening also means paying attention to my own inner voice and the voices of nature, mystery, and experience. To do this, I have to slow down and "smell the coffee."

Stop doing. Stop talking. Stop moving and planning. Just be. Here. Now. ...........Listen.

My second idea about this post was to listen to what others had to say about listening. So, I posted the question on my Facebook page the other day, and here's what several people had to say about listening:

Sam:

Nature. Listening to nature. That is my tranquilizer. When my head is spinning, or even if I’m in a calm mood, I listen to nature. I remind myself to just sit, think for the moment, be in the moment.



It can be on my deck with my morning coffee, feeling the morning’s sun rays warming my skin. I close my eyes. It starts with the birds, listening to each one with their singing, chirping and cawing. Then the breeze, listening as it rustles the leaves on the trees. Bees pollinating the flowers. A dog barking in the distance. I focus on these, shutting out the rest of the world and give thanks that I am able to hear these little sounds.


It’s a pleasure denied by the unhearing. (My Grandfather became deaf in his later years and often wrote to me how he missed his hearing, especially the birds that visited his garden)

Vicki:

After six days of listening to the roar of an aircraft....I stood still this afternoon and listened to the wind. The sound is amazing.
I love the wind and all the melodies it creates.

Cherity:

i listened to my daughter's eyes...she spoke through with such wisdom and deep feeling...lol even though she can't talk, being only but 3 months old.....she really did talk volumes and i listened with all my heart!

Terry:

A thought about listening. Listening is feedback and without feedback there is no course correction or appreciation. One thing that is certain is that if you are missing the feedback the feedback will usually become a little stronger or louder until hopefully you are listening.

When we practice the skill of listening, we are rewarded. When we share the gift of listening with others, they are rewarded, too. Thanks for asking, Ellen.Wind and wisdom, birds and babies. Feedback to help with personal growth. I also love listening to the wind and the birds. I'm reminded that the inner calm which accompanies deep listening feeds me at many levels. I'm reminded of the strength and stillness being offered on the wind and in the eyes of infants who are still so close to the beginning of their time here.

How to Use This Blog

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Now that I've had my blog going for a year, it might be a good idea to pass on some pointers for using it. I didn't do so before, as I wanted to work the kinks out; plus, life has happened in difficult ways this winter, so I'm just getting back into the swing.

I have been delighted to discover how much I enjoy keeping this blog. Its eight sections are:

1. blog posts -- Most of these are dated. In each post, I offer information, suggestions, and resources to help with relationships, healing and personal growth. At the bottom of each post you'll see the small green word "comments." I would love it if you'd click that link and leave a comment, telling what you thought of the post or how it helped you. I do my best to respond to every comment. Below the comments, you'll see the labels -- or main topics -- covered in that post. Posts are located on the left side of your screen. Everything else is located on the right side of your screen.
2. A Helping Hand -- This is where I introduce myself and give an overview of my blog's purpose.
3. Contact -- This section gives four ways to reach me or learn about me, plus a list of the types of services I offer.
4. Blog Archive -- Here you'll find a chronological list of all my posts. Click on any year or month to see what I wrote during that time; then click on any titles that interest you.
5. Links -- This brief list offers links that I think are relevant to this blog or which I wish to support by mentioning them here.
6. Labels -- This long alphabetical list helps you find information or support on a particular topic. The number beside each label shows how many posts refer to that label. To explore a topic, just click on the green word (such as "abuse" or "responsibility"), and you'll be taken to a page in my blog which shows every post using that label. To return to the most current page of my blog, just click the header (Kate Thompson on Manitoulin) or the Refresh button on your browser.
7. Followers -- These are people who check into my blog regularly or who want to show support for the blog. To become a follower, which requires nothing of you, click the "Follow" button near the top of this section. A new window will open that takes you through a very brief sign-up process. If you do this, I thank you! If you don't, I still thank you for checking out my blog.
8. Twitter Updates -- Though I've fallen behind this winter, you can connect to me easily on Twitter by clicking those links. I'd love to hear from you there or any way mentioned in my Contact section.

I hope you've found this explanation useful. I invite you to bookmark my blog in your Favourites or to follow me. Maybe I'll be able to lend you a helping hand sometime, or maybe your comments will be useful to someone else.

Thanks for stopping by.

Helpful Resources

Thursday, June 17, 2010

I will periodically tell you about valuable resources for relationships, personal growth, and healing. One such resource is New Harbinger Publications, the house that published the book I co-wrote with one of my brothers, Bill Klatte. Our book is entitled It's So Hard to Love You -- Staying Sane When Your Loved One is Manipulative, Needy, Dishonest, or Addicted and offers help to anyone dealing with troubled, troubling, or troublesome loved ones.

New Harbinger was a perfect fit for us because they specialize in books that offer help with communication, personal growth, healing, physical and mental wellness, relationships, and so on.

Their solid publishing reputation is demonstrated in this tiny sampling of their titles:

• Relationship Saboteurs -- Overcoming the Ten Behaviors that Undermine Love, by Randi Gunther Ph.D.
• Fearless Job Hunting -- Powerful Psychological Strategies for Getting the Job You Want, by Bill J. Knaus Ed.D., Sam Klarreich Ph.D., Russell Grieger Ph.D., Nancy Knaus Ph.D.
• 10 Simple Solutions to Panic, by Randi E. McCabe Ph.D., Martin M. Antony Ph.D.
• Visualize Confidence, by Kirwan Rockefeller Ph.D.
• ACT with Love, by Russ Harris MD
• Messages, by Matthew McKay Ph.D., Martha Davis Ph.D., Patrick Fanning
• A Woman's Addiction Workbook, by Lisa Najavits
• Caring for Your Grieving Child, Martha Wakenshaw
• The Anger Workbook for Teens, by Raychelle Cassada Lohmann MS, LPC 

I encourage you to check out New Harbinger's extensive catalogue. You may very well find something helpful for yourself or someone else.

Change, Change, Change

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

For many years, I've heard advice telling me to be proud of myself and my accomplishments, to toot my own horn. Up until a couple of years ago, that was very hard for me to do, because even when I felt proud about something I'd done (and feeling healthy pride took me years), the toot-my-horn advice I've heard as an adult would crash into the don't-brag advice I'd heard as a child. Noisy mess, that.

But three years ago my first book was published with a mainstream publisher, and I had to learn to promote it. And, therefore, to promote myself. That was very hard because I felt so shy about the project and the accomplishment of our goals. I wrote the book with one of my brothers, who'd already published a book, so I don't think he had the same qualms about his second one.

Despite my shyness, though, I had to learn to mention it to people, because it was a helping book, and I wanted it to help people. So I learned, first, to respond when others asked about it. I learned to call libraries and set up talks I would give on the book's topic -- dealing with difficult relationships. My natural friendliness and enjoyment of public speaking helped me move to the next level of mentioning the book when people would ask what I'd been doing lately. I got used to hearing myself talk about the writing and publishing process and about my gratitude for the book's success.

It didn't take long for me to recognize that some big changes were taking place. I now talk comfortably (and gratefully) about this accomplishment and about the book that followed it and the one that's in the works now. I learned to feel comfortable with using gifts I'd been given and with receiving attention because of them. I still do internal doubletakes at what's going on, but I enjoy what I'm doing, and I love being able to write stuff that helps somebody in any way -- by encouragement, with a laugh, a good cry, whatever. It turns my crank.

So for me the moral of the story is to continue to be open to change, whether it takes place in myself or in the world around me. If I choose to, I can continue evolving, and -- good news -- I can enjoy it. Change can make me bitter, resentful and stuck in the past, or it can help me be more interesting, useful and conscious. I definitely prefer the latter. What do you choose?

What do YOU think? #1

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

What do YOU think? is a new occasional column I’m featuring on my blog. We so often see quotes by famous (and maybe not so famous) people, and though I think they’re meant to spark thoughts and feelings in the reader, I’m not sure that’s always what happens. Not with me, anyway.

Here’s what does sometimes happen with me. I read a moving or stimulating quote that sets off some feeling or thought in me, but then I read who uttered those sage words. And then I find it too easy to lose track of my reaction in light of the quoted person’s stature. I might dismiss my own response as being less valuable, or I might just be too lazy to pursue my own thoughts because I immediately accept the quoted person’s viewpoint. After all, s/he’s the expert...

So, I’m going to post quotes related to healing, relationships and personal growth, but I’m going to wait until the next day to give the person credit or mention when the statement was made. I encourage and challenge you to simply take the words at face value. Consider your own opinion, your own experience, your own interpretation. Write or talk about your response. Give yourself credit for your own viewpoint. Check back the next day, if you like, to see whose ideas you’ve been responding to.

What do you think?

#1
“For the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day, and from hour to hour. What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general, but rather the specific meaning of a person's life at a given moment."

April Showers & Other Good Things

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

It’s a little hard to believe April is here already, let alone nearly a week gone. It’s also a little hard to believe – and somewhat disappointing – that I couldn’t find any April celebrations sillier than April Fool’s Day. Guess that one has to carry the month. I hope you played a good joke on somebody.

Anyway, I've been unexpectedly without computer access for several days, so I’m running a bit late with my monthly list of observations. But here they are, listed with any websites I could find, in case you’d like more information.

• Sexual Abuse Awareness Month -- This link lists a Google search for this observation.

• Alcohol Awareness Month (http://www.ncadd.org)/ -- an American site

• Counseling Awareness Month (http://www.counseling.org/) -- the American Counseling Association

• Eating Disorders Awareness (http://www.anad.org/) -- website for the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Eating Disorders

• Conflict Awareness Month

• Informed Woman Month

• National Child Abuse Prevention Month

• Couple Appreciation Month

• Reconciliation Day - April 2

• National Siblings Day - http://www.siblings-day.com/ -- a Google search page listing many links

So, I hope you have a great April. Whether you follow any of these leads to relationship and personal information, I urge you to listen to yourself and others. Open up to change and to feeling better. Learn and do what you can to become a happier, healthier, more centred you.

Interview re: "It's So Hard to Love You"

Monday, March 15, 2010

I just re-encountered an interview my brother, Bill Klatte, gave on a website called Lasting Love and Marriage in July 2008. I'm linking to it partly because I like my brother and I'm proud of the work he does. I am also proud of the book we wrote (It's So Hard to Love You -- Staying Sane When Your Loved One is Manipulative, Needy, Dishonest, or Addicted) because we've gotten a great deal of feedback saying how helpful it is for people dealing with difficult relationships.

Please check out the 22-minute interview (click here and then click on the MP3 link a little above Bill's photograph) and/or the Lasting Love and Marriage website, which offers much information about relationships and personal growth.

Mark Your Calendar -- January

January 7, 2010

In all times and in all places, humans love to mark and celebrate special times, events, people, even things. I enjoy the celebratory nature of birthdays and some holidays. Like many people, however, I'm less impressed with the commercialization of them. But as in all things, we have a choice in what we do and how we do it. To that end, (but mainly for fun) I've been compiling a list of days, weeks and months that have been marked -- by someone, at some point in time. Some of them seem like a bit of a stretch, but what the heck.

The list is extraordinarily long, so I'll only include observations that relate to this blog -- relationships, healing, growth and writing. Well, and a few others that bear repeating, such as the Oatmeal, Tea and Soup observances, which I just think are cool. Try searching the Internet for information on any that intrigue you.

For January, I've found numerous observances, including one called "International Quality of Life Month." I don't know who came up with the day or why they established it, but I think a month of appreciating one's quality of life is a great idea. My other personal favourites for January are:

• Book Blitz Month
• Be On-Purpose Month
• Celebration of Life Month
• International Creativity Month
• Get Organized Month
• National Mentoring Month
• Oatmeal Month
• National Hot Tea Month
• National Soup Month (The sponsor of this one won't come as a surprise.)

To finish off, consider observing the following at work, home and school. We're still within the boundaries of both weeks, so there's time...

• National Thank Your Customers Week, January 4-8
• Women's Self-empowerment Week, January 4-10

I've found several sources for this information. The two sources I'll mention are an American and a Canadian site, respectively:

1. "Chase's Calendar of Events today is the most comprehensive and authoritative reference available on special [world-wide] events, holidays, federal and state observances, historic anniversaries and more. Each spring, thousands of new entries are submitted to join the more than 12,000 items that make up each year's book. Each event listing (where applicable) contains contact and mailing information. There is no charge to be listed in Chase's. Each new edition appears in late September preceding the year in question."
2. Work Smart. Live Smart., a site in which Canadian "stress speaker and wellness specialist, Beverly Beuermann-King, CSP, translates current research and best practices information into a realistic, accessible and practical approach through her dynamic stress and wellness workshops, on-line stress and wellness articles, e-newsletters and media interviews."

So, take a break from the mundane. Be creative. Find and honour a mentor. Become a mentor. Empower yourself and thank your customers, right after you've fortified  yourself with porridge and a cup of something warm. Celebrate life in your own way.

Healing Attitudes -- an Exercise

Here is a journalling exercise that can help with your healing or personal growth. The exercise is presented in two parts, in two posts. You can do one or both of them or, of course, neither. The choice is yours.

I invite you to check out my earlier post called "Keeping a Journal 101" to read a short introduction to journalling. As with all journalling exercises I do and recommend, it's fine to either write on paper or type on your computer. I do suggest you date your writings if you plan to keep them; it's helpful and interesting to re-read them later to see how you've grown, what you've learned or what still needs work.

Below is a short list of healing attitudes. Consider and write briefly about how each has been helpful to you or could be helpful to you. Then pick one and write in more detail about what you can and will do today to make use of that healing attitude. And keep it simple, Sweetheart; one change at a time is plenty.

• willingness
• honesty
• acceptance
• determination
• creativity

If you'd like, maintain your attention to your chosen healing attitude for a week, then two weeks. Journal about what is changing as a result. Talk with someone trustworthy about what's happening with you.

You could then go on to focus on the other healing attitudes -- one per week -- and see what happens. However you approach this journalling activity, remember to listen to yourself. Take breaks. This is not a marathon. Enjoy yourself and give yourself credit for every effort. Healing and recovery aren't always easy, but they can definitely be satisfying!

In a companion post to this one, I'll offer a similar journalling exercise using healing actions you can take to help yourself.