Playing Around with Gratitude

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

You’ve probably heard of having an “attitude of gratitude.” Well, I’m all for that. Noticing what's going on around and within us and then expressing gratitude feels good. We’re more likely to help others, have more physical energy, and worry less. Express your thanks to whomever or whatever you want; I believe that's less important than the decision to look for something to be grateful for. 


I started playing around with the phrase "attitude of gratitude" and came up with a bunch of other kinds of “-itudes.” Just for fun, consider the following:
Gladitude – making happiness a habit

Raditude – being far out, man!

Gonaditude – deciding to make a baby

Baditude – Whoa! Get outa the way!

Maditude – ticked off all the time -- Grrrr......

Saditude – Even when there’s nothing wrong, I feel blue.

Daditude – Father knows best. OR Your daddy loves you. You pick.

Faditude – Cool...at least until it goes out of style

Haditude – stuck in the past

Caditude – what a jerk

Paditude – home sweet home

Plaiditude – Gotta love those Scottish prints.

Straditude – There's only one violin worth playing.

Taditude – always chopping life into tiny little bits

Aditude – what you need to make it in an ad agency

Additude – avoids subtraction whenever possible

What do YOU think? #2 - Credit

Friday, April 30, 2010

"Do or do not...there is no try."

These words were spoken by Yoda, Jedi Master in Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. Yoda was speaking to Luke Skywalker. Though I have never reached Master status in the Empire or anywhere else, I agree with Yoda.

It can be so easy to say we'll try to be less grumpy or more helpful or whatever. The trouble with trying to do something is that we have a built-in excuse if it doesn't work out. "Well, I tried. It's not my fault." Maybe not, but trying is not the same as doing. Trying can generate a sort of whiny feeling inside us, while doing engenders a feeling of strength...whether things work out or not.

If you want to change your attitude, then just do so. If you want to learn something new, get started. "Trying" is too tentative, and it can keep us from fully going after something. So listen to the Master: "Do or do not. There is no try."

Word Wonder -- stable

Saturday, March 20, 2010

1. Standing frimly in place; not easily moved, shaken or overthrown; fixed. 2. Marked by fixity of purpose; steadfast. 3. Having durability or permanence; abiding. [From the French and before that the Latin stabilis, which means "to stand"] - Funk & Wagnalls Canadian College Dictionary

Last week a friend asked me to look into the word "stable." The word comes from the ancient Indo-European root sta-, which means "to stand" and has given us a number of related words:

• stable -- firm or permanent
• stable -- a building that houses horses or cattle
• state -- a political area or standing
• steady -- firm
• stay -- remain
• stand -- to be upright
• establish -- to set up

It may be that sta- first  meant the stable for horses and cattle. These animals were extremely valuable assets, so they would have been housed in a strong structure, one that would be able to withstand storms, able to protect the beasts within.

Certainly these same attributes apply to other uses of "stable." Today we speak of a stable economy, a stable relationship, a stable person. In all cases, we refer to someone or something that protects valuable assets and can withstand the winds of change and adversity.  Internal solidity and some flexibility combine to create a stable entity.Things remain on an even keel most of the time. A stable entity can be relied up to do what it was intended to do; it can be trusted. It requires maintenance but is established on a firm foundation.

How does a person become stable, firm, solid? The attitudes and skills that comprise stability can be learned at any time. Though a stable childhood can be a help in this, it is by no means a requirement.  I believe the following are examples of the skills and attitudes that lead to personal stability:

• a sense of one's own value -- not conceit, but an honest appreciation of one's worth
• honesty -- deep, internal honesty, not just the kind that keeps your hands out of the till
• openness -- a willingness to consider new ideas and views, no matter where they come from
• appreciation -- of life, others, and oneself
• humility -- awareness that one's existence and viewpoint are just one of many and that all are valid
• flexibility -- knowing that change is inevitable and is not a personal attack or failing
• serenity -- inner calm, a belief that things will work out, emotional evenness
• focus -- the ability to make decisions and stick with them

No person, even the most stable person, maintains his or her evenness at all times, in all situations. Stability is by its very nature a flexible, adaptable condition; it implies overall evenness, not absolute evenness.

Just as a horse stable is constructed one hammer blow and saw cut at a time, personal stability is built from a myriad small decisions made over time: the decision to accept responsibility for an error; the decision to open one's mind and appreciate another person's contribution or to open one's eyes and appreciate the beauty of rolling hills or the shape of a tree; the decision to fulfill one's commitments. And so on and so on.

Stable. Firm. Steadfast. Like a four-legged stool, a stable person doesn't collapse easily and can do the job for which he or she was made. Anyone who wants to can learn to do that...one decision at a time.

Choose Your Attitude

Friday, December 11, 2009

This morning I had a conversation in which I was reminded that no matter what the circumstances, I can choose my attitude toward those circumstances, toward myself and other people.

This business of choosing my attitude is an active one in which I decide, step by step, what I will focus on and what feeling I'll nurture in myself. These choices are all immediate and specific to a given situation, often one in which I want to blame someone or something for what's happening to me.

By trial and error and by getting help from others, I've worked out a process that makes it possible for me to change my attitude in tough situations. I end up feeling better, and things usually work out better than they might have otherwise. Sometimes the process happens quickly, and sometimes it takes a while, but it does help. Here's a brief look at how it works for me:

     * At some point in the situation, hopefully sooner rather than later, I notice what I'm feeling -- anger, resentment, being "right" or sorry for myself, etc.

     * Once I notice my emotions, I stop and acknowledge that I don't like the way I feel. This has nothing to do with what the other person did or what's going on. I just say, sometimes out loud, "I know I don't like how I feel right now." I always get at least a tiny bit of relief after acknowledging this. Even if I still feel justified or whatever, I can acknowledge that it doesn't really feel too good in my gut or my heart.

     * Next I acknowledge that I can choose to feel better if I want to. Usually I'd rather feel calm or happy instead of resentful or justified, but sometimes I do want to roll around in my misery, and I have the choice to do that, too. Remembering this choice offers more relief because I don't have to feel better if I don't want to -- and the little kid in me just doesn't want to sometimes. But consciously remembering that I can choose to feel better at any time generally shortens my "little kid" phase.

     * Whenever I do decide to feel better, I ask myself what I'd like to feel and think instead of anger or blame or whatever.

• I might remind myself that everybody makes mistakes or has a bad day, so I can stop focussing on their recent action or words.
• Or I can decide that this matter is important and I need to talk about it or do something to change it. 
• Sometimes I can't sort it out yet, but I can decide to set the issue aside for the time being and do something useful or enjoyable in the meantime. This is not the same as sweeping it under the rug. I've just set the issue to the side, knowing I will come back to it at a better time or when I have clarity.

     * In all situations, I've learned to ask myself what part I played. Did I add to the problem? Was I implying something or dwelling on negativity or blaming somebody else? I don't always do this right away because it may not feel comfortable to take responsibility for my own actions, but it helps me to ask such questions as soon as I can.

     * Having decided to let go or deal with the situation or let it rest for a while, I consciously choose to get on with my life in a positive way. I do something I enjoy or get a job done. I might make a time to talk about things or acknowledge that it isn't such a big deal. Maybe I'll realize that the same thing didn't bother me last week, so maybe today I'm tired or thirsty or feeling vulnerable for some other reason...and then I drink some water or rest or do whatever I need to.

     * At some point soon I consciously pay attention to the fact that I feel better or the situation has improved or I've learned something. This usually includes expressing gratitude for the improvements or, at least, for my decision and ability to choose a better way. This step is important because it solidifies my learning (for the next time) and helps me live in a more aware way.

Choosing your attitude is not magic, but doing so can bring practical, almost magical results in the form of calmer days and less stressful relationships. I like the advice of a guy named Mike Dooley who says, "Thoughts become things, so choose the good ones."

Healing Actions -- an Exercise

Yesterday I posted a journalling exercise about healing attitudes. Today's exercise involves several healing actions you can take. This is not a complete list of helpful actions, just as yesterday's list of attitudes was not complete. These are starter exercises you can use at any time and to any depth you like. It might be helpful to read my post, "Keeping a Journal 101." There's no right or wrong way to keep a journal; just do whatever works for you.

Write or type your response to each of these healing actions:

• talking with someone you trust
• writing about what's going on
• digging inside yourself for questions and answers
• relaxing
• listening intuitively

Then, as with the Healing Attitudes exercise, explore one of the healing actions more fully and focus on what you can do about it today. Maintain that focus for one week, then two. If you like, give each of the other healing actions the same treatment after you're done with your first choice.

Date your entries for future encouragement. Smile. Cry. Draw. I invite you to express yourself in these simple and helpful ways.

And just for the record, it doesn't matter if you do the Healing Actions exercise before or after the Healing Attitudes exercise. They can both be helpful, so trust your gut.

Healing Attitudes -- an Exercise

Here is a journalling exercise that can help with your healing or personal growth. The exercise is presented in two parts, in two posts. You can do one or both of them or, of course, neither. The choice is yours.

I invite you to check out my earlier post called "Keeping a Journal 101" to read a short introduction to journalling. As with all journalling exercises I do and recommend, it's fine to either write on paper or type on your computer. I do suggest you date your writings if you plan to keep them; it's helpful and interesting to re-read them later to see how you've grown, what you've learned or what still needs work.

Below is a short list of healing attitudes. Consider and write briefly about how each has been helpful to you or could be helpful to you. Then pick one and write in more detail about what you can and will do today to make use of that healing attitude. And keep it simple, Sweetheart; one change at a time is plenty.

• willingness
• honesty
• acceptance
• determination
• creativity

If you'd like, maintain your attention to your chosen healing attitude for a week, then two weeks. Journal about what is changing as a result. Talk with someone trustworthy about what's happening with you.

You could then go on to focus on the other healing attitudes -- one per week -- and see what happens. However you approach this journalling activity, remember to listen to yourself. Take breaks. This is not a marathon. Enjoy yourself and give yourself credit for every effort. Healing and recovery aren't always easy, but they can definitely be satisfying!

In a companion post to this one, I'll offer a similar journalling exercise using healing actions you can take to help yourself.