tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10128520202698715392024-03-13T14:59:33.553-04:00Kate Thompson on ManitoulinHelp with relationships, healing, & personal growthKate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.comBlogger158125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-55957716598722822942011-06-21T14:56:00.000-04:002011-06-21T14:56:29.208-04:00Word Wonder -- acceptaccept<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>1. To receive with favour, willingness or consent. 2. To give an affirmative answer to. 3. To receive as satisfactory or sufficent: to accept an apology. 4. To take with good grace; submit to: to accept the inevitable. [From the Latin <em>acceptare</em> and often <em>accipere</em>, which mean "to take": <em>ad-</em> to + <em>capere</em> to take] <em><span style="font-size: x-small;">-- Funk & Wagnall's Canadian College Dictionary</span></em><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-G2tlWXTJt9E/TgDnwhzULaI/AAAAAAAAAXQ/xMeIcUU_al8/s1600/j0442642.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" i$="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-G2tlWXTJt9E/TgDnwhzULaI/AAAAAAAAAXQ/xMeIcUU_al8/s200/j0442642.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>When I started writing this blog post I was going to use the word "acceptance." However, as I typed the definitions, I decided that acceptance, as a noun, seems to be a more passive word than the verb "accept." When I think about acceptance I get a peaceful image of somebody not much like me -- some guru guy meditating serenely on a mountainside or something. Nice image, but sometimes it's hard to replace the image of the guru with an image of myself.<br />
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On the other hand, the verb "accept" carries some energy with it. This is something I can <em>do</em>, even if it's hard or unwelcome to think about. Since I believe in taking positive action to help myself and others, I switched to the verb form of the word. As I've said before, sometimes doing <em>anything</em> is better than doing nothing.<br />
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Acceptance is the <em>result</em> of taking the action to accept, so it makes more sense to me to begin at the beginning. <br />
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When something is going wrong or unwelcome news comes, most people's first defense is to feel shock or surprise and a sense of unreality: <em>This can't be happening!</em> As time goes along, the change usually starts to feel less surprising, even if it's still unwelcome. There are no absolute reactions or order in which they come, but many people do feel angry, frustrated, sad, confused and/or unwilling to accept the change. These reactions to change and stress can last minutes, days, weeks or longer. Everyone is different.<br />
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What is similar about us, though, is that we all have a choice about accepting the change that's been dumped on us. As you read in the definition above, to accept refers to many related actions:<br />
<ul><li>To <em>receive</em> with favour, willingness or consent.</li>
<li>To <em>give</em> an affirmative answer to.</li>
<li>To <em>receive</em> as satisfactory or sufficent</li>
<li>To <em>take</em> with good grace</li>
</ul>Nowhere does the definition talk about being delighted or thrilled; instead it speaks of willingness and receiving and taking with good grace. The kind of challenges that are hard to accept usually bring pain or loss or something else few of us welcome. But positive action is still possible. Here are some statements you can say to yourself (in your own words, if you like) that might make change easier to accept:<br />
<ul><li><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This is really hard, and it's a good idea to allow myself to feel all my feelings. BUT I am willing (even the smallest amount) to receive this change, to stop rejecting it and everything connected to it. I don't have to like it, but it doesn't help me to dwell on my anger and resentment, either.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: purple; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I will open my heart, mind and hands as far as I can to see where I can say "Yes" in this situation.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This is what it is, and I can't change it. But I can change me and my response to this challenge. </span></li>
<li><span style="color: #b45f06; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">There is so much in this situation that I can't control. BUT if I look, I will find something I <em>can</em> do something about.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What have I (or others) done in the past to handle tough circumstances? Maybe I'll try one or two of those things now. When one thing doesn't work, I can' always try something different.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Life happens to everybody, and it isn't always fun <em>or</em> terrible. It just is.</span></li>
</ul>You probably already use some of these ideas or others like them. I do, too. But it can be helpful to re-examine even familiar strategies, to refresh our thinking and feeling so that we can act in ways that help rather than hinder. None of this is likely to be a steady uphill climb. Many of life's challenges feel like a roller coaster ride of fear, pain, hope, effort, support, loss, success, confusion and more change. That's really just the way life is sometimes, and learning to accept that helps when a world of hurt hits you.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Fc2w9EeEfrE/TgDnSeYW-jI/AAAAAAAAAXM/c8PbjSQNZiY/s1600/MP900289538%255B1%255D+hands+with+globe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="210" i$="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Fc2w9EeEfrE/TgDnSeYW-jI/AAAAAAAAAXM/c8PbjSQNZiY/s320/MP900289538%255B1%255D+hands+with+globe.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-55239802265454958042011-06-18T13:42:00.000-04:002011-06-18T13:42:58.905-04:00Grief websites<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zDZvw_9D0j0/TfeiSI4EN1I/AAAAAAAAAXE/jryYFUb52IM/s1600/New+Image4.BMP" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zDZvw_9D0j0/TfeiSI4EN1I/AAAAAAAAAXE/jryYFUb52IM/s1600/New+Image4.BMP" t8="true" /></a></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Since the death of my step-son a year and a half ago, which was followed by the deaths of a number of friends and community members, I've become even more aware of the need for support during bereavement. As a life coach, I have counselled others about grief and have read and written about it. But our own life experiences have a way of bringing things into sharper focus... sometimes whether we like it or not.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div>If you or someone you know is grieving the death of a loved one, the following websites might be useful. This is absolutely not a complete list; it simply presents some sites that have been helpful to my family and me. There are so many ways to get the support we need at tough times -- talking, praying, keeping busy, being still, reading, getting active, and so. <br />
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I hope this list of supportive websites offers you some measure of comfort and help:<br />
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<a href="http://forumforgrievingdads.forumotion.com/">Forum for Grieving Dads</a> -- a very private site for men whose child has died<br />
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<a href="http://www.thecompassionatefriends.org/">The Compassionate Friends</a> -- for anyone who has lost a child. I wrote a post about the site in March of this year. Read it <a href="http://katethompsononmanitoulin.blogspot.com/2011/03/compassionate-friends.html">here</a>.<br />
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<a href="http://www.cmha.ca/bins/content_page.asp?cid=2-63-65">The Canadian Mental Health Association</a> -- a general website offering information and support on many topics, including grief<br />
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Sameet Kumar, author of <a href="http://www.amazon.ca/Grieving-Mindfully-Compassionate-Spiritual-Coping/dp/1572244011/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1308074997&sr=8-1"><em>Grieving Mindfully - A Compassionate and Spiritual Guide to Coping with Loss</em></a><em> </em>(Click <a href="http://www.amazon.ca/Grieving-Mindfully-Compassionate-Spiritual-Coping/dp/1572244011/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1308074997&sr=8-1">here</a> to see the book on Amazon) -- You can follow Sameet Kumar on Twitter if you're so inclined.<br />
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<a href="http://www.grief.net/">The Grief Recovery Institute</a> -- offers support for all sorts of loss and grief, whether through death or divorce or anything else<br />
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I encourage you to reach out. Get some help. Get a hug. Trust your own feelings and allow yourself the time and space to grieve and heal.Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-52235600218722555982011-06-17T10:44:00.000-04:002011-06-17T10:44:01.058-04:00I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings<strong><em>I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings </em></strong><br />
<strong>by Maya Angelou</strong><br />
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<em>The free bird leaps</em><br />
<em>on the back of the wind</em><br />
<em>and floats downstream</em><br />
<em>till the current ends</em><br />
<em>and dips his wings</em><br />
<em>in the orange sun rays</em><br />
<em>and dares to claim the sky.</em><br />
<em><br />
</em><br />
<em>But a bird that stalks</em><br />
<em>down his narrow cage</em><br />
<em>can seldom see through</em><br />
<em>his bars of rage</em><br />
<em>his wings are clipped and</em><br />
<em>his feet are tied</em><br />
<em>so he opens his throat to sing.</em><br />
<em><br />
</em><br />
<em>The caged bird sings</em><br />
<em>with fearful trill</em><br />
<em>of the things unknown</em><br />
<em>but longed for still</em><br />
<em>and his tune is heard</em><br />
<em>on the distant hill for the caged bird</em><br />
<em>sings of freedom</em><br />
<em><br />
</em><br />
<em>The free bird thinks of another breeze</em><br />
<em>and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees</em><br />
<em>and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn</em><br />
<em>and he names the sky his own.</em><br />
<em><br />
</em><br />
<em>But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams</em><br />
<em>his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream</em><br />
<em>his wings are clipped and his feet are tied</em><br />
<em>so he opens his throat to sing.</em><br />
<em><br />
</em><br />
<em>The caged bird sings</em><br />
<em>with a fearful trill</em><br />
<em>of things unknown</em><br />
<em>but longed for still</em><br />
<em>and his tune is heard</em><br />
<em>on the distant hill</em><br />
<em>for the caged bird</em><br />
<em>sings of freedom.</em> <br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #bf9000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><strong>Are you a free or a caged bird?</strong></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #bf9000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><strong>Of what do you sing?</strong></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #bf9000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><strong>Of what do you dream?</strong></span></div><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Whatever it may be, please keep singing, </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">and please keep dreaming,</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">for we all need each other in order to be free.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Our dreams and our music bring us to freedom.</span></div>Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-37865052178584556572011-06-14T10:43:00.000-04:002011-06-14T10:43:07.204-04:00It is What it IsMaybe it's my age, but I seem to be hearing this expression more and more: "It is what it is." This little gem generally follows a small or medium inconvenience or problem, such as a somewhat painful medical test, a disappointment at work, or a hurtful comment by a friend or relative. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-b4ICz4_De68/Tfdx1Syu22I/AAAAAAAAAWw/rcqIRl7xkNM/s1600/MP900402053.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-b4ICz4_De68/Tfdx1Syu22I/AAAAAAAAAWw/rcqIRl7xkNM/s200/MP900402053.JPG" t8="true" width="133" /></a></div>The expression itself is almost too ridiculously obvious to utter, and yet I (and others) seem to find some comfort or strengthening in the words. I think its power lies in the <em>expression</em> of the obvious, because it counteracts our (or at least my) innate desire to have the bad thing go away, like the little child I sometimes feel like. That little kid stomps her feet and makes little fists and gets mad and weepy at the "bad thing" that's happening. <br />
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But <em>It is what it is</em> seems to help the adult take over. It's easier to get real and get on with it. Okay, fine. I don't like it, but oh, well, it's here. Deal with it.<br />
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Then I'm okay again. Most interesting. I can more calmly look at my options and make a choice about what to do or what to feel or focus on instead of my hurt feelings or discomfort. Much better. It's amazing to me how very simple it can be to change my mind about my feelings and my actions. It certainly doesn't work all the time, but that is what it is too, eh?Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-75892194752301608522011-06-06T16:48:00.000-04:002011-06-06T16:48:03.956-04:00King, Viking or Favourite?<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Here is another Celtic triad -- threefold bits of wisdom from ancient times:</div><br />
<div align="center" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>Three people that are hardest to talk to: a king bent on conquest, a Viking in his armour, and a low-born man protected by patronage.</em></span></div><div align="center" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: left;">Though I don't run into many kings, Vikings or low-born men these days, I can see ways in which their modern counterparts can be hard to talk to!</div>Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-25909893507979804342011-06-02T14:51:00.000-04:002011-06-02T14:51:01.750-04:00If fear weren't there...I couple of weeks ago, in the midst of various health challenges and changes, a friend passed on a question she'd heard recently:<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How would you act if fear weren't there?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Hmmmm... Good one. Although I didn't have much energy when I heard it, part of me liked this question because it cut through all the rhetoric and emotional roller coasters. The question asks me to set aside my ordinary reactions and more objectively ask myself what actions I would take in a situation if I (or even others) weren't afraid. It doesn't ask or expect me to stop <em>feeling</em> the fear, just to consider what I'd do if the fear weren't there.<br />
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My favourite definition of courage is "to feel the fear and do it anyway" -- whatever "it" might be. This new question I'm writing about is, to me, a helpful way to move from the theoretical definition of courage into action. And since I'm a great believer in action as the antidote to many sticky situations, this is something I can get my head around.<br />
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For example, if you were faced with an unexpected and unwanted job change, such as a layoff or being fired, a common reaction would be to feel afraid (among other feelings). Fears about your financial situation, changing status and/or respect, loss of workplace friendships, having to move, and so on. Many people would feel fearful in such a situation.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zoP8a4yC0Ds/TefbJCq01RI/AAAAAAAAAWo/3v02-EkyU5I/s1600/robot.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zoP8a4yC0Ds/TefbJCq01RI/AAAAAAAAAWo/3v02-EkyU5I/s200/robot.bmp" t8="true" width="164" /></a></div>But now imagine that instead of dwelling on the worries and what-ifs, you just sat down and for a few minutes pretended you were an android or a robot. Imagine yourself moving into 'Droid Mode in which you feel nothing and simply have a problem to solve -- a problem no more emotional than sorting through the junk drawer or sweeping the floor.<br />
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In 'Droid Mode, you say to yourself, "Okay, so this is not what I wanted or expected. The situation appears to leave me with no familiar options, but I will consider every option I am able to see at this moment. Some will be familiar, perhaps, while others may not. That is no matter. I will simply weigh each one to determine how helpful it might be in this situation. Then I will choose reasonable actions and carry them out."<br />
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And so, ignoring all emotional reactions to the change, you simply list problems that have arisen and what you can do right now and in the near future to address them. <br />
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What would you do if the fear weren't there?Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-15137726655071336732011-05-22T15:38:00.000-04:002011-05-22T15:38:38.879-04:00Changes, ChangesA couple of weeks ago I had my right knee replaced. Having had the left one done last year at this time, and having had a generally great experience, I was actually looking forward to getting this one done. More mobility, less pain, etc.<br />
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Without launching into the details, I'll just say this experience is being a mixed bag of great, not so great, and really difficult. The knee itself is generally doing extremely well. However, problems have arisen which, coming on the heels of a tough eighteen months of grief and illness, I'm finding my resilience is slipping. Or at least it feels like it is. I'm usually an optimistic, forward-looking person, but that part of me has been soundly buffeted by circumstance for the past many months. And then I am aware of my committment to keep up with this blog. It's been two weeks since I wrote a post, and that's just too long.<br />
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My debate, now that I'm feeling a bit better physically, has centred around the content of this post. How do I write something that could be helpful to somebody "out there," while still being true to my own experience and feelings? How can I write honestly without sounding like a whiner, when I am at a pretty low ebb? As I get going here, I'm remembering my usual approach when I don't know what to say or write -- just get started, be honest, and see what happens.<br />
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I am finding that my usual anchors aren't working so well, and that feels scary. I don't know what to feel or do about the changing circumstances in which I find myself. I don't trust my previous optimism. I don't trust my concept of Something More. Yet here I am, writing it out, however vaguely. Somehow that feels like <em>something</em>, at least. What, I don't know. But something, some positive response to myself and my own previous decision to keep up with this blog, to commit to it for my own sake and, hopefully, to be of some help to somebody else.<br />
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It seems my rambling is done for now, but by doing something, even as small as this, I do feel a bit better. I think it's about reaching out past my own concerns at a time when those concerns are feeling like quite a load. It's the offer that matters, not the result. I can control my offerings, but I can't control the result.<br />
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I hope you are making a great day for yourself or for someone else. Mine has gotten a little bit better. Thanks.Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-25798559446459298242011-05-09T13:36:00.002-04:002011-06-05T13:18:51.164-04:00Celtic Triads<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-edd_EDEzOOE/TcBC7n0OJiI/AAAAAAAAAWc/wfmr_60dRek/s1600/220px-Flag_of_Wales_2_svg.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" j8="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-edd_EDEzOOE/TcBC7n0OJiI/AAAAAAAAAWc/wfmr_60dRek/s1600/220px-Flag_of_Wales_2_svg.png" /></a></div>Half of my heritage is Welsh, and it's the part to which I feel the most connected. When I was growing up relatives came to visit from Wales often, and my grandparents went back there to visit, as well. I was the first of my generation to visit the Welsh island of Anglesey, where my ancestors come from and where many cousins still live.<br />
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Though the word "Celtic" is often thought to refer only to the Irish, it also refers to the Welsh. It is easier to find information about Irish Celts than Welsh, but I found some, and this knowledge has added richness and depth to my understanding of myself and my family.<br />
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In exploring a little of this heritage, I came across <em>The Celtic Book of Days -- A Celebration of Celtic Wisdom</em> and enjoyed reading each day's entry. It seems to refer mainly to Irish traditions, but I like the richness I found there just the same. Serendipity is a delightful part of any search, if I keep my mind, eyes and heart open. My favourites in <em>The Celtic Book of Days</em> are the threefold prayers and blessings which are explained in this quotation from the book:<br />
<blockquote><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Throughout Romano-Celtic Europe, the Triple Mothers were worshipped as the Deae Matres or Matronae. They are usually depicted as seated mature figures carrying fruits, bread and babies and were clearly venerated by all sections of society. Triple deities abound in Celtic tradition, as we find the triple Morrigan, the triple Brighid and the threefold Godesses of Irish Sovereighnty... The Celtic preoccupation with threefold groupings is seen from the tripling of divine powers to threefold repetitions of invocations and prayers. The number three is still dominant in British and Irish culture as being lucky, and significant events are believed "to come in threes."</span></blockquote><span style="font-family: inherit;">From time to time I'll post a threefold blessing until I run out. I think they're lovely ways of considering ourselves and our place in this life.</span><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><em>Three things that ruin wisdom: ignorance, inaccurate knowledge, forgetfullness.</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>The three most beautiful things in the world:</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>a full-rigged ship, a woman with child </em><em>and the full moon.</em></div><br />
I hope that, whatever your heritage, you enjoy and feel blessed in some small way by these Celtic snippets of wisdom.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TqEUC1UXpmk/TcBDknuv6JI/AAAAAAAAAWk/gt0IgHN5BbA/s1600/180px-Lindisfarne_StJohn_Knot2_3_svg.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" j8="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TqEUC1UXpmk/TcBDknuv6JI/AAAAAAAAAWk/gt0IgHN5BbA/s1600/180px-Lindisfarne_StJohn_Knot2_3_svg.png" /></a></div><div align="center"></div>Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-30922809894125706552011-05-06T12:54:00.001-04:002011-05-06T12:54:00.706-04:00A poem by Crowfoot<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DCten8gQoOY/TcA00cZ2PxI/AAAAAAAAAWY/ZRsOF2NCJjA/s1600/ec.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" j8="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DCten8gQoOY/TcA00cZ2PxI/AAAAAAAAAWY/ZRsOF2NCJjA/s1600/ec.jpg" /></a><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Life is the flash</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> of a firefly in the night.</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It is the breath of a buffalo</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> in the winter.</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It is the little shadow</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> which runs across the grass</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">And loses itself in the sunset.</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div>-- by <a href="http://www.thecanadianencyclopedia.com/index.cfm?PgNm=TCE&Params=A1ARTA0002045">Crowfoot</a>, a Blood Indian who grew up with the Blackfoot people of Alberta and became their chief.<br />
1830-1860Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-54534171796228534432011-05-03T12:50:00.000-04:002011-05-03T13:35:49.229-04:00Thoughts about Death<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XWqJRO7uECM/TcAy6RRPrDI/AAAAAAAAAWU/h1BN0dyKIXU/s1600/MP900447428barren.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" j8="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XWqJRO7uECM/TcAy6RRPrDI/AAAAAAAAAWU/h1BN0dyKIXU/s200/MP900447428barren.JPG" width="197" /></a></div>Since the death of my step-son a year and a half ago, I have roamed and lurched all over the strange planet of grief, loss and change, accommodation and acceptance, fury and pain. It's a complicated and unwelcoming place, to be sure.<br />
<br />
Before Daniel's death, I had experienced many deaths -- my first child, my father and grandparents, all my aunts and uncles, friends, in-laws, students, cousins and pets. Since Daniel's death, more deaths have touched my life closely...and painfully. My world is being rocked significantly.<br />
<br />
I am being challenged to re-examine my ideas about death. I've never been terribly afraid of dying or of death, but I've also never spent a lot of time thinking about it. I guess in some vague way I've just assumed it would all turn out okay. This non-approach has been part of my <a href="http://katethompsononmanitoulin.blogspot.com/2011/04/magical-thinking.html">magical thinking</a>, which I wrote about a few times in April. <br />
<br />
My current exploration starts from a place of absolutely believing I can't know for certain what dying feels like or what happens after we're dead. So it's all speculation. Maybe we'll understand it on "the other side." Maybe we won't. I can't know that, either. Maybe I won't even know it once I "get" there.<br />
<br />
I like to think that our time after we leave these bodies will be pleasant, but I don't invest a lot of emotion into that preference, because as I said before, I don't believe it's possible to know for sure while we're on "this side."<br />
<br />
Where all this surmising and musing leaves me is with this: it actually doesn't matter too much (to me) what happens after I die, but it matters a great deal what happens <em>before</em> I die. And I can do something about that. I can choose to live my life fully and consciously. I can choose to regularly act on the love I feel for those around me. I can choose to be a better version of myself than I was yesterday or last week or last year. I can choose to be respectful and kind to those I find hard to love and to those I meet only briefly. I can choose to shoot for my best self and to be grateful when I see traits I admire in others and in myself. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-B4K6aCgTGuM/TcAvI3li16I/AAAAAAAAAWI/_MkcNl0EAxs/s1600/clem4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" j8="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-B4K6aCgTGuM/TcAvI3li16I/AAAAAAAAAWI/_MkcNl0EAxs/s1600/clem4.jpg" /></a></div>So I don't currently feel too worried about the hereafter. I'm aware that I may feel very differently if I'm conscious when I'm close to my death, but even so, I prefer to deal with the here-now as best I can. In the meantime, I love this sentiment about death which has been ascribed to Mark Twain:<br />
<div><em></em><br />
<blockquote><em>I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.</em></blockquote></div>Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-18861171520619462912011-04-27T21:59:00.002-04:002011-06-14T11:45:12.717-04:00Word Wonders -- disgruntle & gruntledisgruntle <br />
To make dissatisfied or sulky; put out of humor. [from the prefix <em>dis-</em> (<span style="font-size: x-small;">meaning "not"</span>) + <em>gruntle</em>, an obsolete word that intensified the meaning and impact of "grunt"] <span style="font-size: xx-small;"><em>-- Funk & Wagnall's Canadian College Dictionary </em>and <em>The Oxford English Reference Dictionary</em></span> <br />
<br />
In other words, disgruntle means to "not gruntle," which for me instantly raised the question, "What, then, does 'gruntle' mean?" So here you go. I found the definition and a couple of delightful uses of "gruntle" online and discovered that it means "to put in a good humor." (from <a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gruntle"><span style="font-size: x-small;">www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gruntle</span></a>). Texan Walter Prescott Webb, 1888-1963, wrote that some people "were<span style="font-family: inherit;"> gruntled with a good meal and good conversation."</span> <br />
<br />
In the entry from the 1913 edition of <em>Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary</em> (found on <a href="http://www.thefreedictionary.com/gruntle"><span style="font-size: x-small;">www.thefreedictionary.com/gruntle</span></a>), I learned that gruntle also once meant "to grunt repeatedly." <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZC6al4wiIH4/TbjHTstY13I/AAAAAAAAAWA/KmMiB2AoGHM/s1600/MC900332418.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" i8="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZC6al4wiIH4/TbjHTstY13I/AAAAAAAAAWA/KmMiB2AoGHM/s1600/MC900332418.bmp" /></a></div>So here's my fanciful theory about the development of gruntle and disgruntle. (Remember I am not a word <em>expert</em> but, rather, a word enthusiast with an imagination.) Maybe, back in the day, a pig farmer or village of pig owners noticed that their swine grunted when they were contented with their slop and mud. They came up with the word "gruntle" to describe the pigs' expressions of bliss.<br />
<br />
Then maybe another astute soul noticed that sometimes humans also grunt with pleasure at dinner time (and other pleasurable events) and applied "gruntle" to their expressions, too. Hence, over time, to be gruntled could come to mean that a person was in a good humor or tranquil.<br />
<br />
Then, life being what it is, someone who was not in a good humor, was not feeling at ease and serene, might have come to be described as being "<em>dis</em>gruntled." And, sad to say, the delightful little word <em>gruntle</em> passed from our daily vocabulary.<br />
<br />
Personally, I'm really glad I found the word gruntle, because as it happens, earlier today I was feeling decidedly disgruntled about a variety of frustrations. However, it was time to write a blog post so I decided to investigate a Word Wonder. Those are usually entertaining for me, and I was hoping I'd get distracted from my grumpiness.<br />
<br />
It worked. Not only did I get distracted, I got gruntled in my search for meaning...of the word "disgruntled." And the word "gruntled" is so charming and rolls so nicely around in my mouth, that I think it might just help me choose being gruntled over being disgruntled the next time I'm out of sorts. And, that, my friends, is an important part of healing and personal growth.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-eLI4ziLaRls/TbjJjl8bfYI/AAAAAAAAAWE/Z-V6r1j7xr8/s1600/MM900040928.GIF" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" i8="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-eLI4ziLaRls/TbjJjl8bfYI/AAAAAAAAAWE/Z-V6r1j7xr8/s1600/MM900040928.GIF" /></a></div>Happy Gruntling to me and to you!!Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-75717693127514394342011-04-23T11:25:00.000-04:002011-04-23T11:25:06.529-04:00Change your Magical ThinkingThis is the third post in which I write about magical thinking, a life view and habit that keeps many of us stuck. (Read the first post <a href="http://katethompsononmanitoulin.blogspot.com/2011/04/magical-thinking.html">here</a> and the second, a journalling exercise, <a href="http://katethompsononmanitoulin.blogspot.com/2011/04/magical-thinking-journal-exercise.html">here</a>.)<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9Wu939HCRiQ/TbLuscCfXDI/AAAAAAAAAV8/JzkCOOXuSTg/s1600/question+mark.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" i8="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9Wu939HCRiQ/TbLuscCfXDI/AAAAAAAAAV8/JzkCOOXuSTg/s1600/question+mark.bmp" /></a></div>If you have recognized that you do engage in magical thinking, if you've thought or journalled about it, you might want to know how to do the next step...changing your magical thinking.<br />
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As I said in <a href="http://katethompsononmanitoulin.blogspot.com/2011/04/magical-thinking-journal-exercise.html">my last post</a>...<br />
<em><blockquote><em>By recognizing and then loosening your grip on magical thinking, you'll find new energy, new resilience, fun, and hope</em>.</blockquote><br />
<ol><li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Notice <em>one</em> aspect of life in which you're waiting for some magical solution to appear. Money, relationships, job, lifestyle and health are common areas for magical thinking.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial;">Name what you're wishing would change, such as:</span></li>
<ul><li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial;">more satisfying work</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial;">no more debt</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial;">more travel</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial;">better appearance</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial;">happier family life</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial;">...or whatever is on <em>your</em> mind</span></li>
</ul><li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial;">Can you name the person or entity you've been wishing would make your situation better? Is it God, or a loved one, or some nameless and faceless Something? This can be hard, because magical thoughts are usually vague by their very nature, but give it a try.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial;">As you pay more attention to your wishing-thoughts, notice how you feel, such as:</span></li>
<ul><li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial;">hopeless </span></li>
<li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial;">wishy-washy</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial;">angry</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial;">vague</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial;">tired</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial;">frustrated</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial;">lonely</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial;">wistful</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial;">without energy</span></li>
</ul><li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial;">Now say or write a statement that includes what you've noticed in the first four steps. This might be hard or uncomfortable, because part of the power of magical thinking is that it's vague and usually not put into clear words. But looking at your wishful thoughts and putting them into words is an important part of seeing and then changing them. For example:</span></li>
<ul><li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When I think about my huge debt load, I feel tired and hopeless. I wish Uncle John would die and leave me his money.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I wish God would just change Susan so we'd be happier. She really makes me mad. Maybe she'll just leave, and I won't have to deal with this mess.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If only I could win the lottery, big time. Then I could quit my lousy job and travel around the world.</span></li>
</ul><li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Take a few deep breaths. You might be feeling guilty or pathetic or angry or many other things if you've written out your unnamed desire for someone to die or go away. But this step is so important if you're going to <em>actually</em> see changes in your circumstances. Because magical thinking is often so vague, we don't really pay much attention to those thoughts; they seem to hover in the background of our minds and hearts. The trouble is that while they're hovering, they're also draining us of energy and blinding us to our ability to be responsible for our own lives.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now try this. Below your "I wish..." statement, write an "I will..." statement, such:</span></li>
<ul><li><div><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't like being in debt, but I will change that myself. If Uncle John wants to help, that's a bonus, but I don't need him to die for me to get out of debt. I'll take an honest look at my finances and see what my options are. </span></div></li>
<li><div><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I 'm not happy with my marriage and the messes Susan has created. But I'm an adult, and I can take a look at my part of things and do something about that. And I'll ask God to help me with <em>me</em>.</span></div></li>
<li><div><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've waited for ten years to win the lottery, but I just keep losing. I don't like my job, but I need an income. So I will make a list of the pro's and con's about this job, and I'll start a savings account for trips I want to take. Then I'll decide where to go from there.</span></div></li>
</ul></ol>Maybe you've noticed that the <em>I will</em> statements are different than the <em>I wish</em> statements. They're more action-packed and positive. Their power results from looking at the reality of a situation. And in saying them, <em>our</em> power is made available to us. Even if the changes that follow are hard or uncomfortable, they're rarely harder or more uncomfortable than the problems we lived with before we changed our magical thinking.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #741b47;">So, the last step (#8) in changing your magical thinking about a situation is to actually <em>do</em> something <em>concrete</em>.</span> Make a budget or talk to a credit counsellor...and then follow his or her suggestions. Stop blaming others, look honestly at your own undesirable behaviours, and change them. Quit your job or change your attitude about the one you have. Start a savings account with $2, if that's what you have.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Dc42b9LYO6U/TbLtUCVa6gI/AAAAAAAAAV4/YZJA2yHdoW4/s1600/guy+and+brick+wall.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" i8="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Dc42b9LYO6U/TbLtUCVa6gI/AAAAAAAAAV4/YZJA2yHdoW4/s1600/guy+and+brick+wall.bmp" /></a></div>Small, concrete, responsible steps are the antidote to magical thinking. And the result is more energy, a more positive outlook, healthier relationships, better finances...whatever. You decide because you can.</em>You can follow the steps below by thinking it out, talking with someone, or writing your answers.Start small, since this is often the best way to learn new skills and attitudes. Here are <span style="background-color: white;">eight </span>suggestions for doing just that:Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-91641676333861534572011-04-21T08:05:00.000-04:002011-04-21T08:05:04.817-04:00A QuestionThe other day, a friend said she'd asked herself a question. Now I'm asking myself the same question and pass it on to you. Maybe it will be useful to you.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What would you do in any given situation if the fear weren't there?</span></div>Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-37010258163527956372011-04-13T11:27:00.000-04:002011-04-13T11:27:46.632-04:00Magical Thinking -- a journal exerciseLast Wednesday I wrote about magical thinking, a view of life and self that resides deep below the surface in some people. (Click <a href="http://www.katethompsononmanitoulin.blogspot.com/">here</a> to read that post.) This sort of belief system is part of childhood's charm, but in adults it supports an unhealthy degree of passivity. Magical thinking, as I mean it here, keeps us meekly waiting around for someone or something else to resolve our problems -- financial, personal, professional, etc. -- while we do little or nothing to progress.<br />
<br />
As I said the other day, magical thinking is not the same as being patient or wisely waiting for the best time. It's not the same as trusting others or accepting limitations. These are helpful ways to interact with the world, while magical thinking makes it hard for us to move forward and to recognize our own strength and ability. <br />
<br />
Letting go of magical thinking means seeing one's own strengths and weaknesses realistically. It means letting go of the idea that others will fix one's problems. It means taking responsibility for choices and decisions. <br />
<br />
Get out a pen and paper and set aside 15-30 minutes to start. Ask yourself the questions below to help identify if you are prone to magical thinking. And as with any new awareness, the purpose of this is not to criticize yourself but to take the first step in change -- recognizing the problem. Keep in mind that many people have the thoughts and feelings described below; the trick is to identify if you frequently count on others to make things better.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: purple;"><strong>Q?</strong></span> Do you find yourself wishing someone would come along and pay your debts or fix a troubled relationship?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><strong><span style="color: purple;">Q?</span></strong> Do you have vague feelings of powerlessness or inadequacy in your own daily affairs?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><strong><span style="color: purple;">Q?</span></strong> Do you feel like you're getting nowhere, especially in areas of life that are important to you? </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><strong><span style="color: purple;">Q?</span></strong> Are you sometimes jealous of people who seem to "have it all together?" Do you compare yourself to them or resent them?</span></span><br />
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As you work through these questions, others might arise. Do your best to honestly explore the questions and the answers. Be kind to yourself, since that's the most effective way to stay interested in change. If you beat yourself up over perceived failures, you just add to the pile of magical thinking and lack of progress.<br />
<br />
You can make changes that make you and your life more dynamic! By recognizing and then loosening your grip on magical thinking, you'll find new energy, new resilience, fun, and hope.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Q_CFYzD_JsE/TaXAGfBdGCI/AAAAAAAAAV0/FgFMPEu96TE/s1600/j0422750.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" r6="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Q_CFYzD_JsE/TaXAGfBdGCI/AAAAAAAAAV0/FgFMPEu96TE/s200/j0422750.jpg" width="196" /></a></div>In another post, I'll write about ways to turn magical thinking into dynamic thinking. Once you begin to recognize the old patterns, you'll be able to build new ones.Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-41391636659495014482011-04-10T20:52:00.001-04:002011-06-14T13:30:16.482-04:00A quotation<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-size: x-large;">Life is not life at all without delight. </span></div><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: right;">-- Coventry Kearsey Deighton Patmore (1823–1896) </div><div style="text-align: right;"><em>Victory in Defeat</em></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><span style="color: #274e13;"></span>Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-13925735620425009962011-04-06T07:46:00.000-04:002011-04-06T07:46:29.255-04:00Magical Thinking<div align="center"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Never grow a wishbone, daughter,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">where your backbone ought to be.</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span style="color: blue;">-- Clementine Paddleford</span></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="left" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Born in Kansas in 1898, Clementine Paddleford wrote in her memoir that her mother gave her the advice I've quoted above. Apparently young Clementine listened well, since she grew up to become an intrepid journalist, pilot and traveler in the 1920s to 1960s.</div><div align="left" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div align="left" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">As a food writer at such publications as the New York Herald Tribune and the New York Sun, Paddleford flew a Piper Cub all over the States to learn about and report on regional foods. She went aboard a submarine to learn what the sailors ate and explored quiet corners of her country to discover what the locals prepared for their families. Paddleford then conveyed her enthusiasm to readers by tempting their palettes with descriptions of the exotic-sounding foods she found in her travels.</div><div align="left" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div align="left" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">When I found Paddleford's quote a number of years ago, I knew nothing about her. I only knew that its cleverly worded meaning shot straight into me and put words to a vague and unsettling feeling I had about myself. Although I was happy with some of my accomplishments and personal traits, I knew I wasn't being and doing all I could. At that time I'd never heard of "magical thinking," but I could tell I had more of a wishbone than a backbone in some areas of my life.</div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">Through the years I've carried Clementine's mother's advice around in my <a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VL7bpYkcLd8/TZxPav0nXiI/AAAAAAAAAVw/jHy6T2hk_sE/s1600/MM900337030.GIF" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" r6="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VL7bpYkcLd8/TZxPav0nXiI/AAAAAAAAAVw/jHy6T2hk_sE/s1600/MM900337030.GIF" /></a>head. I've passed it on to students and have continue to be attracted to its meaning. And when for the first time I heard about the idea of magical thinking, I knew that Mrs. Paddleford had nailed it so many years before.</div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">To me, magical thinking means meekly waiting around for something to happen instead of doing it for yourself. It implies to me a floppy, waffling sort of attitude to one's circumstances and, perhaps, oneself. </div><div align="left" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div align="left" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Magical thinking is not the same as being patient or wisely waiting for the best time. It is not the same as trusting others or accepting limitations. Instead, it's a state of mind that doesn't allow a person to recognize his or her own strength and ability. Magical thinking is the result of (and supports) the belief that some external Somebody or Something will fix the problems, get the job done, make the desired result appear...and it immobilizes the magical thinker because she or he does not believe in herself or himself.</div><div align="left" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div align="left" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Letting go of magical thinking -- getting a backbone instead of a wishbone -- means seeing one's own abilities, strengths, and weaknesses. It means letting go of the idea that others will fix one's problems. It means taking responsibility for choices and decisions. </div><div align="left" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div align="left" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Changing my own magical thinking has come as a result of facing and dealing with the lousy things that have been done to me as well as the lousy things I have done or the valuable things I have not done because I was waiting for somebody to do it for me. It's a satisfying (though not always easy) feeling to take responsibility for my own life, for myself, for my choices.</div><div align="left" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div align="left" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">In my next post, I'll offer a journalling exercise that can help you look at your own tendencies towards magical thinking.</div>Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-341602693003979392011-03-31T23:03:00.000-04:002011-03-31T23:03:06.871-04:00The Compassionate Friends<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GNN8FhdJOVk/TZU2XOebkfI/AAAAAAAAAVs/c403cUppIGU/s1600/MP900401703%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" r6="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GNN8FhdJOVk/TZU2XOebkfI/AAAAAAAAAVs/c403cUppIGU/s320/MP900401703%255B1%255D.jpg" width="255" /></a>Last night I went to my first meeting of <a href="http://www.compassionatefriends.org/home.aspx">The Compassionate Friends</a> (TCF), an international organization dedicated to those who have lost a child of any age, by any cause, at any time. Our youngest son, Daniel, my stepson, died in November 2009, at the age of twenty. His death was a deep, stunning shock. The repercussions of his death have been broad, deep, wide...exceeding practically every strong adjective I could possibly come up with.</div><br />
For the first several months, we did the best we could just to make it through each day. Many times I've told myself, "Just do what needs to be done and make time pass until you can go to bed." Sleeping is sometimes the only way to make time pass without pain.<br />
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I've felt at times that I could suffocate in my own sadness. At other times, we've laughed and told "Daniel stories" and have been able to feel grateful and happy about having had him in our lives. Those laughing times don't happen often, but at least they do happen, and I believe they'll increase as the years pass. But I miss him. We all do.<br />
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Daniel's death, like any death, is changing family relationships. This reordering can be hard and is often not welcome. But it happens anyway, sweeping up the grievers in emotional and physical whirlwinds. In the past 17 months, other life changes, such as the death of friends and a pet, and health challenges, have added to the stressful mix.<br />
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So, after pushing the tough feelings down for a while, I finally feel ready to take a deeper look into myself. I needed a time not to feel, but now I need to deal with those feelings. So, after hearing high praise from a family member about The Compassionate Friends, I decided to check out the meeting in our area.<br />
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A small group of us gathered in the quiet of a Wednesday evening. The organizers, themselves bereaved parents, started us off by telling their own story. From there, the rest of us talked, if we wanted to, about our child's story. In some ways it was hard to witness other families' sorrow, and it was also affirming to hear them express feelings similar to my own. We cried sometimes and smiled in understanding agreement at other times.<br />
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What I like most about The Compassionate Friends approach is that no one tells anyone else how to feel, how to act, when to talk, when to be silent. No one interrupts. No one lectures or preaches or drapes others in expectations of what they "should" feel or do. All beliefs and experiences and feelings are honoured. <br />
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To gain a better understanding of someone whose child has died, or to help yourself in this situation, look for help with The Compassionate Friends. Explore their website <a href="http://www.compassionatefriends.org/home.aspx">here</a>. In future posts, I'll share other resources that might help with bereavement.Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-11508638086319455272011-03-25T15:03:00.003-04:002011-03-25T15:08:22.488-04:00Word Wonder - honeyhoney<br />
1. A sweet, viscous substance made by bees from nectar gathered from flowers. 2. Anything resembling or suggestive of honey. 4. Sweet one; darling: a term of endearment. [from the Old English word <em>hunig</em>] -- <span style="font-size: xx-small;"><em>Funk & Wagnall's Canadian College Dictionary</em></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-OhutSrKZlc8/TYzGQQ7FS9I/AAAAAAAAAVo/xh1i7iVxRAE/s1600/MC900434399.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-ALH8WzmBhPs/TYzFa8G135I/AAAAAAAAAVk/jCXcPaHqsDQ/s1600/MC900264344%255B1%255D.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" r6="true" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-ALH8WzmBhPs/TYzFa8G135I/AAAAAAAAAVk/jCXcPaHqsDQ/s1600/MC900264344%255B1%255D.bmp" /></a> </div><div style="text-align: left;">When it first occurred to me to explore the word "honey," it seemed a bit too obvious to bother with. However, I decided to check it out anyway. I found so much has been done with honey that I decided to write about it despite its (possibly) small impact on healing, relationships, and personal growth.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">As a term of endearment, <em>honey</em> is sweet and simple. Although overuse can render it as meaningless as any other word, adding honey to daily utterances does often sweeten them up a bit. "Honey, will you do such and such for me?" adds a love-reminder to the basic request.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">As a food, honey is so delicious, so nutritious, that it's a wonderful addition to many foods and beverages. It also feels excellent sliding down a sore, raspy throat. Though I've never tasted mead, I understand it's a tasty drink made from water and fermented honey.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Honey has had a far-reaching affect on language and daily life. Take a look at this honey of a list from modern and ancient English:</div><ul><li><div style="text-align: left;"><strong>honey-apple</strong> -- a fruit created in ancient times by grafting some kind of apple onto a quince stalk. The resulting fruit was used to make marmalade.</div></li>
<li><div style="text-align: left;"><strong>hinny</strong> -- a British form meaning "darling"</div></li>
<li><div style="text-align: left;"><strong>honey</strong>-<strong>tongued</strong> -- can be used as high praise, for one who uses words beautifully <em>or</em> as a sarcastic phrase for one whose words cannot be trusted</div></li>
<li><div style="text-align: left;"><strong>honeymoon</strong> -- After the wedding, life and the beloved are as sweet as honey. But a cynic might say this joy lasts only as long as one cycle of the moon's phases.</div></li>
<li><div style="text-align: left;"><strong>honey</strong>-<strong>bucket</strong> -- a receptacle used in a latrine</div></li>
<li><div style="text-align: left;"><strong>honey-bun</strong> or <strong>honey-bunch</strong> -- a term of endearment or a pretty girl</div></li>
<li><div style="text-align: left;"><strong>honey-do list</strong> -- a facetious name for the list of household chores a wife wants her husband to complete</div></li>
<li><div style="text-align: left;"><strong>honey wagon</strong> or <strong>cart</strong> -- the vehicle that empties latrines and carries away the contents</div></li>
<li><div style="text-align: left;"><strong>honey-pot</strong> -- in Australia, a way to jump into the water. This is the same as the North American cannonball jump.</div></li>
<li><div style="text-align: left;"><strong>honey-star</strong> -- a mistress!</div></li>
<li><div style="text-align: left;"><strong>honeydew melon</strong> -- a sweet melon</div></li>
<li><div style="text-align: left;"><strong>honeysuckle</strong> -- originally misnamed when ancient people thought that bees drew honey directly from this woody vine</div></li>
<li><div style="text-align: left;"><strong>honey thighs</strong> -- a term of endearment to a girl, since about 1945</div></li>
</ul><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: left;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-OhutSrKZlc8/TYzGQQ7FS9I/AAAAAAAAAVo/xh1i7iVxRAE/s1600/MC900434399.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" r6="true" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-OhutSrKZlc8/TYzGQQ7FS9I/AAAAAAAAAVo/xh1i7iVxRAE/s1600/MC900434399.bmp" /></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">So, I don't know. Maybe this post has made you more aware of how sweet your loved one is and will encourage you to say so to him or her. Maybe you'll just eat a bit more honey and be a little healthier as a result. I honestly just wanted to write about honey, even though it has no deep, profound meaning. That's it, that's all, sweetie.</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><strong>Resource used for this post:</strong></span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><em>Thereby Hangs a Tale</em> by Charles Earle Funk</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><em>Partridge's Concise Dictionary of Slang & Unconventional English</em>, ed. by Paul Beale</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><em>A Word in Your Ear</em> by Ivor Brown</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><em>Why Do We Say It?</em> by Castle Books</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: xx-small;"><em>Encyclopedia of Word and Phrase Origins</em> by Robert Hendrickson</span></div><div align="left" style="text-align: center;"></div>Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-20242231507153436992011-03-16T00:05:00.003-04:002011-03-16T00:05:01.111-04:00Not a creative bone in your body...?Wednesday, March 16, 2011<br />
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In the writing course I'm currently teaching, I give my students a creative writing exercise during each class. Since the start of the semester, I've heard several variations of the statement, "I don't have a creative bone in my body."<br />
<ul><li>I'm not creative.</li>
<li>I don't know what to write.</li>
<li>My writing is always boring.</li>
<li>I don't have any good ideas.</li>
<li>I'm no good at this.</li>
<li>I can't tell a good story.</li>
</ul>Here are some of my responses to those statements:<br />
<ul><li>Hogwash.</li>
<li>Yes, you do.</li>
<li>Yes, you can.</li>
<li>That's old thinking.</li>
<li>Everybody's creative, even if they don't know it.</li>
<li>...etc., etc. You get the idea.</li>
</ul>What might it mean when people say they're not creative? It might mean any number of things. Maybe they were laughed at for some creative effort(s) in the past. Maybe they don't like a particular type of creative activity and don't recognize that not liking something isn't the same as being unable to do it. Perhaps they believe that if they don't excel at an activity, they shouldn't do it at all. <br />
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Maybe this sounds like you. Do you think you can't write a story or paint or act or make a craft? Do you believe you don't have a creative bone in your body?<br />
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Well, consider these ideas:<br />
<ul><li>Are you a person who comes up with great party ideas?</li>
<li>Do you come out with funny one-liners or puns, or do you tell jokes really well?</li>
<li>Can you come up with options or solutions for nagging problems?</li>
<li>Do you hum or sing while doing some other activity?</li>
<li>Are you good at keeping the beat with songs on the radio?</li>
<li>Was there an activity you loved when you were a child?</li>
<li>Do you cook well or do carpentry?</li>
<li>Do you enjoy a hobby?</li>
<li>Can you tell stories to children that they enjoy?</li>
<li>Do your neighbours compliment you on your garden or yard?</li>
<li>Are you able to find the best arrangement of time or objects in order to get a job done well?</li>
<li>Do you find yourself wondering how the writer came up with the idea for a movie or book you like?</li>
<li>Is there one time of day when you seem to get a lot of good ideas?</li>
<li>Do you like arranging food, flowers, furniture, artwork, or table settings in pleasing ways?</li>
<li>Can you fix just about anything that needs fixing?</li>
<li>Are you good at solving puzzles?</li>
<li>Can you find the best/shortest/most scenic route to a destination?</li>
</ul>This is a very short list of examples of creative expression. Maybe this list has given you other ideas about what you do well but never considered as meaning much. That's often the case with people who believe they're not creative. <br />
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Keep in mind that being creative simply means "having the power or ability to create...and is...characterized by originality of thought and execution." (<em>Funk & Wagnalls' Canadian College Dictionary</em>). Every single person can create something or come up with an original idea. Really. Creativity is not a special gift doled out only to a select few. It is a natural part of being human.<br />
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You are creative, even if you're haven't been given a Nobel Prize for Something or aren't published or famous. You are creative because you're alive and it's in your nature to create.<br />
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I encourage you to take a look at your attitudes about your own creative ability or that of someone else you've said isn't creative. What words and feelings go along with that limiting belief? How can you change your words and thoughts and feelings to allow for a new concept? Do you expect phenomenal results, or can you see that creativity is a process to be enjoyed?<br />
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If you like, try the following:<br />
<br />
Every day for two weeks, write or say to yourself, <br />
<blockquote><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I am creative. I like to __________ (fill in the blank), and this is a creative activity.</span></blockquote>It's very possible that your ideas about creativity will shift. Then go ahead, do your creative activity some more. Allow yourself to enjoy it simply because you enjoy it. It doesn't have to measure up to anybody else's idea of "good." If you want to, expand on it, share it. Learn something new.<br />
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Creativity is fun and satisfying. I hope you allow yours to blossom.Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-67402086044679754792011-03-13T00:03:00.001-05:002011-03-13T00:03:00.666-05:00UncertaintySunday, March 13, 2011<br />
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<div align="center"></div><div style="line-height: 14.4pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>"Be patient towards all that is unsolved in</strong></span></span></div><div style="line-height: 14.4pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="line-height: 14.4pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong> your heart and dreams;</strong></span></span></div><div style="line-height: 14.4pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="line-height: 14.4pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>try to love the </strong></span></span><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>questions themselves." </strong></span></span></div><div style="line-height: 14.4pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: right;"><br />
</div><div style="line-height: 14.4pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: right;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Arial Unicode MS;"><strong>-- Rainer Maria Rilke</strong></span></span></div>Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-11399084229218499602011-03-10T00:24:00.002-05:002011-06-14T13:13:34.844-04:00Advice to a DaughterThursday, March 10, 2011<br />
<br />
The other day I found a book on my bookshelf, one of those enticing little nuggets found at a yard sale or some such place. I'd completely forgotten I own <em>The Book of Lists</em> by David Wallechingsky, Irving Wallace, and Amy Wallace. I do remember that it was old even when I bought it, but it just seemed like a good thing on which to blow an extravagant 25 cents, ya know?<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-63LM13sfCIM/TXKGay5U_bI/AAAAAAAAAVY/4B--XMrfJh4/s1600/00445046.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" l6="true" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-63LM13sfCIM/TXKGay5U_bI/AAAAAAAAAVY/4B--XMrfJh4/s200/00445046.jpg" width="154" /></a></div>Since this is the week of International Women's Day, I thought today would be a good day to list <strong>"F. Scott Fitzgerald's 21 pieces of advice to his daughter on living," </strong>originally from Fitzgerald's <em>Letters to His Daughter, </em>edited by Andrew Turnbull (New York: Scribner. 1965).<strong> </strong>I'm not big on worry, but maybe he meant something like "concern yourself with." In any case, I like most of what F. Scott had to say to his daughter, Scottie. See what you think...<br />
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<em>1. Worry about courage.</em><br />
<em>2. Worry about cleanliness.</em><br />
<em>3. Worry about efficiency.</em><br />
<em>4. Worry about horsemanship.</em><br />
<em>5. Don't worry about popular opinion.</em><br />
<em>6. Don't worry about dolls.</em><br />
<em>7. Don't worry about the past.</em><br />
<em>8. Don't worry about the future.</em><br />
<em>9. Don't worry about growing up</em><br />
<em>10. Don't worry about anyone getting ahead of you.</em><br />
<em>11. Don't worry about triumph.</em><br />
<em>12. Don't worry about failure unless it comes through your own fault.</em><br />
<em>13. Don't worry about mosquitoes.</em><br />
<em>14. Don't worry about flies.</em><br />
<em>15. Don't worry about insects in general.</em><br />
<em>16. Don't worry about parents.</em><br />
<em>17. Don't worry about boys.</em><br />
<em>18. Don't worry about disappointments.</em><br />
<em>19. Don't worry about pleasures.</em><br />
<em>20. Don't worry about satisfactions.</em><br />
<em>21. Think about: What am I really aiming at?</em>Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-2410254431910225972011-03-05T12:09:00.000-05:002011-03-05T12:09:59.532-05:00100 years of International Women's DaySaturday, March 5, 2011<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-Ac1Oz_i4EBo/TXJnCi4kjXI/AAAAAAAAAVU/N2hIOFwx690/s1600/womens-day.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" l6="true" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-Ac1Oz_i4EBo/TXJnCi4kjXI/AAAAAAAAAVU/N2hIOFwx690/s200/womens-day.gif" width="185" /></a></div>This coming Tuesday, March 8, is the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day (click <a href="http://internationalwomensday.com/linkto.asp">here </a>to go to the official site). Look there or in your local newspaper for IWD events in your area. <br />
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In my area, Manitoulin Island, Ontario, Canada, I will gather with local women, men, and children at the Manitoulin Nordic Ski Club at 2 p.m. The guest speaker is Ruth Farquhar, writer and activist, whose topic is "Women in Media and Entertainment."<br />
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Below I quote from the IWD website where it explains what International Women's Day is about...and the range of ideas and activities it engenders.<br />
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<strong><span style="color: purple;">International Women's Day 2011 Theme</span></strong><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><strong>Each year around the world, International Women's Day (IWD) is celebrated on March 8. Hundreds of events occur not just on this day but throughout March to mark the economic, political and social achievements of women.</strong></span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><strong>Organisations, governments and women's groups around the world choose different themes each year that reflect global and local gender issues.</strong></span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><strong>So while many people may think there is one global theme each year, this is not always correct. It is completely up to each country and group as to what appropriate theme they select.</strong></span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><strong>Below are some of the global United Nation themes used for International Women's Day to date:</strong></span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><strong>- 2011: Equal access to education, training and science and technology: Pathway to decent work for women</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><strong>- 2010: Equal rights, equal opportunities: Progress for all</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><strong>- 2009: Women and men united to end violence against women and girls</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><strong>- 2008: Investing in Women and Girls</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><strong>- 2007: Ending Impunity for Violence against Women and Girls</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><strong>- 2006: Women in decision-making</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><strong>- 2005: Gender Equality Beyond 2005: Building a More Secure Future</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><strong>- 2004: Women and HIV/AIDS</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><strong>- 2003: Gender Equality and the Millennium Development Goals</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><strong>- 2002: Afghan Women Today: Realities and Opportunities</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><strong>- 2001: Women and Peace: Women Managing Conflicts</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><strong>- 2000: Women Uniting for Peace</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><strong>- 1999: World Free of Violence against Women</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><strong>- 1998: Women and Human Rights</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><strong>- 1997: Women at the Peace Table</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><strong>- 1996: Celebrating the Past, Planning for the Future</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><strong>- 1975: First IWD celebrated by the United Nations</strong></span><br />
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I encourage you to give some thought to the issues represented in the themes listed above. How do you support or hinder them in your day-to-day life? What can you do to improve the situation for women in your sphere of influence? What <em>will</em> you do?<br />
Consider checking out these IWD-related websites:<br />
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<strong>The United Nations:</strong><br />
<a href="http://www.un.org/events/women/2001/">http://www.un.org/events/women/2001/</a><br />
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<strong>Canada's list of events:</strong><br />
<a href="http://internationalwomensday.com/search.asp?country=37">http://internationalwomensday.com/search.asp?country=37<strong></strong></a><br />
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<strong>American list of events:</strong><br />
<a href="http://internationalwomensday.com/search.asp?country=223">http://internationalwomensday.com/search.asp?country=223</a><br />
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<strong>United Kingdom's list of events:</strong><br />
<a href="http://internationalwomensday.com/search.asp?country=221">http://internationalwomensday.com/search.asp?country=221</a>Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-38071413524818976772011-02-27T12:36:00.001-05:002011-02-28T12:11:15.642-05:00Time to Muse...Sunday, February 27, 2011<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-tKoaue6fVr0/TWqI1oUzk4I/AAAAAAAAAVM/YtBKcZveNaU/s1600/00237777.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" l6="true" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-tKoaue6fVr0/TWqI1oUzk4I/AAAAAAAAAVM/YtBKcZveNaU/s200/00237777.bmp" width="199" /></a></div>A few months ago, I spent a day with some friends, Klaus and Donna Bach, helping them pack to move. They'd lived on the Island a bit longer than I had, and I'd gotten to know them by several means. In the 80s, we'd worked together, with many others, organizing an annual folk festival here on Manitoulin. Klaus and Donna also owned the only health food store in the area, so I often saw them there.<br />
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These two make a wonderful pair: he, a soft-spoken, friendly German, and she, an effervescent, laughing Canadian. From all I could see, they, their two children, and the many foster babies they welcomed into their home formed a happy, loving family. <br />
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A firm believer in equality and common sense living, Donna was also a full-time homemaker -- truly, a <em>home</em>-<em>maker</em>. She loved looking after the whole family's comfort and offering stability and calm in their home. She contributed to the community and worked in the family's store.<br />
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Donna is one of the most smiling, practical <em>and</em> interested people I know.<br />
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On our packing day in the late fall, I was telling Donna about my blog, and she was as enthusiastic and supportive as ever. This conversation led to her showing me a poem she'd written years before. I asked if I could post it on my blog sometime, and she was delighted. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-3eQJMt1tBYc/TWqJDqywoOI/AAAAAAAAAVQ/uIpXhDw6Yas/s1600/00383356.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" l6="true" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-3eQJMt1tBYc/TWqJDqywoOI/AAAAAAAAAVQ/uIpXhDw6Yas/s200/00383356.bmp" width="187" /></a></div>I like her little poem because it's real. It reflects the simple realities of daily life -- that the common tasks are more than just common tasks. They allow our minds to shut down and get much-needed rest. The small attention we must pay them allows emotions to be put on hold... or expressed in relative privacy (since the common tasks are often completed on one's own, anyway!). Intuition can slip in quietly and offer solutions that might otherwise go unnoticed. Life is full of small moments in which we can be renewed.<br />
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Here's Donna's poetic musing from 1979:<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><em><strong>Women's Work</strong></em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>Lead me to the sink where I can think.</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>Let me peel the onions -- I can cry.</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>Put my hands in hot and soapy water,</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>Let me fold the laundry if it's dry.</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>Ironing's my favourite -- then comes mending,</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>I'll probably be at it 'til I die.</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>I know my family thinks I'm busy working,</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>But I'm solving all our problems on the sly!</em></div>Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-77639685065151180732011-02-22T12:31:00.000-05:002011-02-22T12:31:31.462-05:00Family Day in Canada -- yesterdayTuesday, February 22, 2011<br />
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Yesterday we celebrated Family Day in Canada. This statutory holiday was first observed here in February 2008. It always falls on the third Monday of February. My first thought at the time -- my jaded, pessimistic first thought -- was that this would be just another opportunity for Hallmark to make a bunch of money. I <em>didn't</em> object to a mid-winter break; a three-day weekend is rarely a bad thing.<br />
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But the negative little corner of my mind has had a pleasant surprise this year. I've heard from a number of people that they did actually use the day to do something special with family. They played with their kids. They visited an estranged fathers and grandfathers. They got together for games and other fun. What refreshing news! In our family, I put on a big feast for our gang, and though it needed to be on Saturday, I still thought of it as our Family Day celebration. <br />
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So I've learned a little lesson here. Although, of course, most of us would hope we'd love and enjoy our families every day of the year, setting aside a special day does seem to have drawn attention to that hope. I'm so happy many people took the friendly reminder/opportunity to focus on their loved ones, to heal old rifts, to have some fun together. <br />
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I feel certain that such positive actions have ripple affects, some of which we may never see ourselves. But to me that's just fine. Love and fun and laughter and forgiveness carry their own wonderful energy. I don't have to understand it. I don't have to control it. I don't even <em>have</em> to do it.<br />
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But I'd <em>rather</em> do love, fun, laughter, and forgiveness than their opposites. So, Happy Today. Fill it up with some good stuff, and the ripples will bubble away from the centre of you to who knows where.....Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1012852020269871539.post-66924504621201404252011-02-17T12:27:00.000-05:002011-02-17T12:27:08.494-05:00Books to Check OutThursday, February 17, 2011<br />
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I've recently heard about two new books published by <a href="http://www.hazelden.org/">Hazeldon</a>, a publishing house specializing in resources for people working on personal healing and recovery. Take a look at these titles and their descriptions, which I've quoted from Hazelden's website:<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1cW_NefeXGo/TV1VIlw-NZI/AAAAAAAAAVE/T1GzAGHJouA/s1600/12+Smart+Things+book+cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" j6="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1cW_NefeXGo/TV1VIlw-NZI/AAAAAAAAAVE/T1GzAGHJouA/s200/12+Smart+Things+book+cover.jpg" width="135" /></a><br />
"Do you take on the feelings of others around you? Or do you expect others to absorb yours? Is it important to be in synch? No says Dr. Allen Berger, author of <em>12 Smart Things to Do When the Booze and Drugs are Gone</em>."<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-iKX9RSaxnXs/TV1WptQ4RDI/AAAAAAAAAVI/keWWn0JzARs/s1600/2001_11_4246_72.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" j6="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-iKX9RSaxnXs/TV1WptQ4RDI/AAAAAAAAAVI/keWWn0JzARs/s200/2001_11_4246_72.jpg" width="128" /></a><br />
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<em>"1000 Years of Sobriety: 20 People x 50 Years</em> by William G. Borchert and Michael Fitzpatrick. <em>1000 Years of Sobriety</em> features the moving personal accounts of twenty men and women who have each remained sober for more than fifty years. These are the real 'old timers,' keepers of the wisdom, men and women from around the world who are among the dwindling generations who joined Alcoholics Anonymous when Bill W. was still alive, and whose very commitment to sobriety is a testament to the enduring power of the program."<br />
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Of course, there are as many paths to well-being as there are people. The beauty of recovery, healing, and personal growth lies in the strength and hope each of us possesses...and in the help offered by those around us. Hazelden is one such helping hand. <br />
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If you'd like to find other helping hands, you could: <br />
<ul><li>check the list of topics on this blog (right-hand column) to read other posts about a topic of interest to you</li>
<li>borrow a book from the library or a friend</li>
<li>write in a journal</li>
<li>talk to someone you trust</li>
<li>listen to what your gut tells you</li>
<li>...and so much more.</li>
</ul>I wish you well for today and every day!Kate J. Thompsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07750890592248434356noreply@blogger.com0